Bryce Harper Signs 10-Year Contract Extension, Immediately Requests Trade
In a move that would make Machiavelli himself raise a skeptical eyebrow, Philadelphia Phillies outfielder Bryce Harper has redefined the art of "having your cake and eating it too." Just days after signing a record-breaking 10-year, $420 million contract extension – a deal so lucrative it could single-handedly fund a small nation's space program – Harper shocked the baseball world by requesting a trade.
"We were ecstatic to finally lock down Bryce for the foreseeable future," stammered a visibly bewildered Dave Dombrowski, Phillies President of Baseball Operations. "He's our franchise player, the face of the team. We even threw in a lifetime supply of Tastykakes, for Pete's sake!" Dombrowski then excused himself to go sob uncontrollably into a pile of Liberty Bell replicas.
Speculation regarding Harper's sudden trade request is running rampant. Some sources claim the slugger simply yearns for a more competitive environment, one where...