Top CEOs Reveal Secret to Success: Have CEO Parents
NEW YORK CITY - In a shocking exposé that will likely surprise absolutely no one, a consortium of America's top CEOs has finally revealed the long-held secret to their stratospheric success: having CEO parents.
This groundbreaking revelation, unearthed through a rigorous study involving a dartboard, a bottle of Chateau Margaux, and a hastily scribbled spreadsheet, has sent shockwaves through the business world. "We were stunned," admitted Reginald "Reggie" Bullingdon III, CEO of Bullingdon Industries (est. 1887, Old Money) and self-proclaimed "Captain of Industry." "Who knew all this time the secret ingredient to running a multi-billion dollar corporation was simply having a daddy who did the same thing?"
The study, titled "The CEO Lineage: A Definitive Guide to Ascending the Corporate Ladder Without Breaking a Sweat (or Having an Original Idea)," found a staggering 99.9% correlation between having CEO parents and, well, be...