Lighthouse News Network

The World of Wacky Swimwear Weekly reports that the brand new Kimberly Guilfoyle Designer Banana Peel Swimsuit is outselling the swimwear of four of the most popular celebrities in America. The Bananarama Polling Agency reports that retail outlets like Fruitopia, Pineapple Paradise, Berry Boutique, and Citrus Sensations have stated that as soon as the "Guilfoyles" are displayed on their shelves, they are swiftly snatched up by fruit enthusiasts, nutritionists, and even monkeys. When Kimberly Guilfoyle was asked about the banana-rific sales her swimsuits are generating, she flashed a grin, peeled a banana, and said, in her banana-loving enthusiasm, "I find it quite a-peeling!" ■ https://lighthousenewsnetwork.com/kimberly-guilfoyles-skimpy-designer-banana-peel-bikini-swimsut-is-outselling-britneys-kims-j-los-and-taylors/?feed_id=11787&_unique_id=6750c561b49b6

Kimberly Guilfoyle, who is known as "The Puerto Rican Firecracker," is extremely upset at the recent rumors that her soon-to-be-father-in-law grabbed her muffin. Kimmy, as the tiny-fingered Trumptwit , calls her, said that it was actually Guilfoyle, who sat on his lap as he was sitting by the pool eating three Big Macs, a family order of McFries, and a 44-ounce cup of Diet Coca Cola. He said that the hot, Latina babe, is one of the most sensuous women that he has ever loved. Meanwhile, Kim's fiance (Donald "Dopey" Trump Jr.) shakes it all off as just being yet another hoax that was started by disgruntled Democrats, who only won the 2020 election because over 2 billion space creatures from outer space illegally voted for President Joe Biden. ■ https://lighthousenewsnetwork.com/kimberly-guilfoyle-is-pissed-at-the-rumors-that-donald-trump-brags-that-he-grabbed-her-muffin/?feed_id=10984&_unique_id=674b5340287c7

Kimberly Guilfoyle has never been one to shy away from controversy. And so the future daughter-in-law of the Huge Orange Asshole , namely Trump, says that she wants all of her haters to know that she sincerely hopes that every last one of the talentless sons-of-bitches and bitches rot in hellacious hell. Guilfoyle who alleged has two uvulas has been named to be Donald Trump's 2024 campaign manager. Trump even stated that he likes Kimmy a lot because she has fantastic sex appeal, great looking legs, and she is one of the best French kissers that he has ever kissed. (How 'bout them uvulas, eh Donald!) Kimberly turned red when she heard about DJT's comment and added that she only let him French her on three, maybe four occasions. The uvula cramps were just too painful. https://lighthousenewsnetwork.com/kimberly-guilfoyle-expresses-a-desire-to-see-all-of-her-haters-rot-in-hell/?feed_id=10150&_unique_id=674646bfb4c3b

The Sports Bet Gazette has just reported that Jennifer Lopez and Kimberly Guilfoyle will be starring in a wrestling movie. The two Puerto Rican babes will be starring in the Tri Moon Film production titled, "The Lovely Puerto Rican Wrestling Babes." The film is being directed by award winning director/producer Bellanino Terrabini, who also directed "Beating Around Promiscuous Bonnie's Bush," "Meanage-A-Trois Vampires," and "The Woman With 3 Working Vaginas." Zorro La Bamba with SBG noted that Jenny and Kimmy have become very close friends since both are Puerto Ricans, and both are very good cooks. (Just checking my notes...yes...it says cooks, but it's a bit smudged.) He noted that the fact that Lopez is a Democrat and Guilfoyle is a Republican caused a bit of a problem at first, but the two are now as close as peanut butter and jelly between two slices of bread. ■ https://lighthousenewsnetwork.com/jennifer-lope...