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Sports Balls Illustrated Daily senior writer Dottie Bazooka has just compiled a list of texts that came from the sexy mouths of several of Jerry Jones' Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. The average age of a Cowboys cheerleader is 24, the average height is 5-foot-8, the average weight is 116, and the average vital stats are 38-24-36. TEXTS FROM DALLAS COWBOY CHEERLEADERS 1. - KHLOE CISCO - My boyfriend says that he doesn't like the way my ass cheeks stick out of my micro shorts, but he can just get over it. 2. - TRACI TUPELO - The rumor that I'm pregnant with Dak Prescott's baby is not true. He has never even seen me naked. 3. - LOLITA LULING - I just want to emphasize that my 38-D tits are real. They are not store-bought. 4. - RITA RHETT - Contrary to a rumor mill fallacy, I was not gang-banged in high school by my high school basketball team. 5. - ASHLEY LITTLEBUSH - Yes, it is a fact that my bikini bush is trimmed in the ...

The latest rumor to come out of Big D (Dallas) is that Cowboys owner Jerry Jones , 80, allegedly engaged in an epic dance-off with two of his team cheerleaders. According to Hollywood Innuendo reporter Sausalito Ole, the two brave dancers who dared to challenge Jones on the dance floor are Kelli Baffle, 24, and Tess Oakwood, 25. Miss Baffle revealed that what started as a friendly tap on the shoulder quickly escalated into a full-blown dance extravaganza. Jones unleashed his hidden moves, busting out dance styles from the disco era, including the "Jerry Jones Hustle" and the "Cowboy Shuffle." Witnesses claim that the dance battle reached its peak when Jones and the cheerleaders synchronized their moves to perform a "Cowboy Conga Line," with Jones leading the way in his signature cowboy hat. Meanwhile, Jones has clarified that he was simply showcasing his dancing skills to the newest members of the renowned cheerleader squad. He claims ...

PHILADELPHIA - (Sports Satire) - Eagles head coach Nick Sirianni has expressed an interest in signing former Cowboys running back Ezekiel "Feed Me" Elliott. Sirianni says that he thinks Dallas owner Jerry "The Relic" Jones overlooked the fact that Zeke can still take the ball and run like a scalded dog gaining an average of 4.9 yards per carry. Sports Bet Gazette writer Zorro La Bamba stated that he heard that Zeke was let go because owner Jerry Jones did not like his humongous hairdo. One of the Eagles cheerleaders, Canteeta Fishington, 26, said that she dated Elliott back in high school and she remembers that even then he was all hands . SIDENOTE: Ezekiel says that he will donate $3,000 to The Home For Former Philadelphia Eagles Cheerleaders, for every touchdown that he scores. https://lighthousenewsnetwork.com/the-philadelphia-eagles-may-sign-ex-dallas-cowboy-ezekiel-elliott/?feed_id=11956&_unique_id=6751f959bb917

The latest rumor to come out of Big D (Dallas) is that Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, 80, allegedly engaged in an epic dance-off with two of his team cheerleaders. According to Hollywood Innuendo reporter Sausalito Ole, the two brave dancers who dared to challenge Jones on the dance floor are Kelli Baffle, 24, and Tess Oakwood, 25. Miss Baffle revealed that what started as a friendly tap on the shoulder quickly escalated into a full-blown dance extravaganza. Jones unleashed his hidden moves, busting out dance styles from the disco era, including the "Jerry Jones Hustle" and the "Cowboy Shuffle." Witnesses claim that the dance battle reached its peak when Jones and the cheerleaders synchronized their moves to perform a "Cowboy Conga Line," with Jones leading the way in his signature cowboy hat. Meanwhile, Jones has clarified that he was simply showcasing his dancing skills to the newest members of the renowned cheerleader squad. He claims t...

Sports Territory Magazine has just broken the story that one of the richest oilmen in Texas, Byron Bentley Brookstocker, 101, has married one of the most beautiful cheerleaders to ever cheer for the Dallas Cowboys. The May-December pair were married in the exquisitely luxurious Lady Godiva 5-Star Hotel in St. Tropez, France. Jilly Dominion, 22, sat atop a beautifully magnificent white $1.7 million Saddlebred horse, while Brookstocker sat in his $750,000 customized San VaVaVoom wheelchair. The event was attended by over 3,000 people, including the owner of the Dallas Cowboys Jerry Jones, Paul McCartney, Kate Gosselin, Demi Lovato, Lionel Richie, and Kim Kardashian and her boyfriend Spanish matador Joaquin Gazpacho. Music was provided by the heavy metal Irish band, WD-40, whose latest single titled "The Ballad of the Shamrock Apocalypse." is currently number 3 on The Top 99 Music Chart. SIDENOTE: The wedding almost did not take place because Brookstocker...

Sportsapalooza writer Pia Confetti has just shattered the sports world with her latest scoop. In an exclusive interview, Jerry Jones, the flamboyant owner of the Dallas Cowboys, revealed his secret discussions with none other than Tom Brady, the legendary quarterback who recently retired from the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Jones, known for his deep pockets and grand ambitions, made it clear that he's been captivated by the allure of "Tom Terrific." Money is no obstacle for the magnate, who possesses a financial empire spanning banks, factories, an airline, cruise ships, and even a Las Vegas hotel and casino. According to Jones, he is enamored with Brady's unparalleled work ethic, his encyclopedic knowledge of football, and his unabashed devotion to the beloved Texas-based Whataburger food franchise. With his high-profile divorce from a certain South American golddigger behind him, Brady can now focus his undivided attention on the game, making him an even ...

The word on the streets of Chicago, the hometown of for Bulls superstar Michael Jordan, is that the greatest basketball player of all time wants to purchase, the Dallas Cowboys. Pico de Gallo with Tittle Tattle Tonight said that Jordan told him that he tried to buy the New York Yankees but the Steinbrenner family would not sell. He then expressed an interest in buying the Chicago Bulls, but owner Jerry Reinsdorf wanted way too much. Next, Jordan called up Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones and told him that he wants to buy his team. Jones told Michael that since he's now 80, he has been seriously thinking about selling the team, because he just does not feel that his two sons have what it takes to run a high profile team like the "Boys." From Pico de Gallo: I truly believe that there is a very damn good chance that in the not-too-distant future the great Michael Jordan could very well become the new owner of the great Dallas Cowboys. https://l...

DALLAS, TX - In a development as shocking as Jerry Jones wearing a sensible turtleneck, Dallas Cowboys fans have reportedly achieved a breakthrough in human cognition: they finally understand the concept of defense. This momentous occasion, which scientists are tentatively calling "The Miracle on Mansfield Street," has left the football world reeling and theologians scrambling to rewrite sacred texts. For decades, the mere mention of "defense" in a conversation with a Cowboys fan was met with blank stares, nervous coughs, and a desperate fumbling for the nearest Dak Prescott jersey. Their unwavering faith in explosive offense, fueled by a steady diet of highlight reels and misplaced optimism, often left the Cowboys' defensive line resembling a turnstile during a Black Friday sale. However, a recent shift in the collective consciousness of Cowboys Nation suggests a seismic change. Theories abound: did a rogue weather balloon carrying defensive schematics ...