Lionel Messi Announces Retirement, Immediately Un-Retires
MIAMI, FL — In what experts are calling the most efficient career move in sports history, soccer legend Lionel Messi announced his retirement from professional football Tuesday afternoon, only to dramatically un-retire approximately 3.7 minutes later, setting a new world record for shortest athletic retirement.
The emotional rollercoaster began at 2:15 PM EST during a hastily organized press conference at Inter Miami's DRV PNK Stadium, where Messi, fighting back tears, declared his intention to "finally hang up the boots and focus on playing as myself in FIFA."
"After careful consideration, lasting several minutes, I feel it's time to step away from the beautiful game," Messi announced to a room of journalists who were still frantically connecting to the WiFi. "I want to spend more time with my family, my PlayStation, and my collection of unopened Gatorade bottles from various sponsorship deals."
However, the retirement announcement took a...