Trump Replaces Public Schools with ‘The Apprentice: Kid Edition
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what experts are calling "the most innovative assault on learning since flat-earthers discovered Facebook," President Donald Trump’s proposed education budget eliminates public schools entirely and replaces them with a national reality TV competition titled “The Apprentice: Kid Edition.”
Under the new plan, traditional classrooms will be replaced with high-stakes boardroom settings where students must compete against one another in weekly challenges to secure a spot in the next grade level. Those who fail will be dramatically "fired" and sent straight into the workforce as unpaid interns at Mar-a-Lago.
“Look, folks, schools? Overrated. Reading, writing, math—who needs it? I didn’t learn a thing in school, and I became the most successful businessman who’s ever filed for bankruptcy six times,” Trump declared at a press conference held in front of a gold-plated chalkboard. “This new system? It’s gonna be tremendous, just tremendous. ...