Local Scientist's Time Machine Only Goes Forward At Regular Speed
FILLMORE, CA - In a development that will leave science fiction fans mildly inconvenienced, local inventor Dr. Bartholomew "Tick Tock" Tockington unveiled his revolutionary time machine yesterday to a crowd of bewildered onlookers. The machine, a chrome monstrosity resembling a malfunctioning disco ball, promises to rewrite the very fabric of temporal existence, albeit with the panache of a particularly slow toaster oven.
Dr. Tockington, a man whose enthusiasm for time travel is only rivaled by his questionable fashion sense (think tweed vests and pocket protectors galore), has spent the last decade locked away in his cluttered lab, fueled by a diet of instant ramen and daydreams of becoming the H.G. Wells of Fillmore.
"This baby," Dr. Tockington declared, patting the time machine affectionately with a hand adorned with a mismatched collection of wristwatches, "can take you anywhere in time! Witness the fall of Rome! Watch the signing of the Declaration ...