Harry Styles to Run for President: Campaign Slogan 'Treat People With Kindness' (and a Watermelon Sugar Tax)
BREAKING: Harry Styles Announces Presidential Bid, Promises to Replace Electoral College with TikTok Dance-Offs
INDIO, CA — In a stunning political development that has left both Democratic and Republican strategists frantically googling "What's a Harry Styles," the 30-year-old British pop sensation announced his candidacy for U.S. President during a surprise appearance at Coachella, wearing a pantsuit made entirely of "I Voted" stickers and what appeared to be a corsage made from the Constitution.
"Listen yeah, I've been thinking," Styles told the screaming crowd while sensually eating a watermelon slice, "America needs less politics and more polka dots. Less division and more sequin-based unity." The announcement came as Styles emerged from a giant watermelon-shaped hot air balloon, which his campaign later confirmed would serve as Air Force One should he win the presidency .
The former One Direction member's campaign plat...