JD Vance Becomes First Millennial VP; White House Staff Braces for Mandatory Avocado Toast Mondays
WASHINGTON, D.C. – History was made today as JD Vance was sworn in as the first millennial Vice President of the United States, a landmark event that many have hailed as a victory for a generation that once thought their greatest achievement was convincing their parents that working from home was “still a real job.”
The ceremony, held under the shadow of a carefully curated Instagram-worthy sunrise, saw Vance taking the oath of office on a well-worn copy of Hillbilly Elegy , his bestselling memoir-turned-self-help guide for upper-middle-class guilt. Witnesses report that the moment was interrupted briefly when Vance paused to ask the officiant if this would “get good engagement” on TikTok .
With his inauguration, millennials have finally secured their spot in the political hierarchy, a development that promises sweeping changes to how the White House operates. Or, as one Gen Z congressional intern put it, “We’re all doomed. He’s already started talking about his MySpace page....