CERN Accidentally Creates Portal To Parallel Universe Where Everything's The Same Except Hot Dogs Come In Cans
GENEVA—In a groundbreaking yet utterly baffling achievement, scientists at CERN announced today that their latest particle collision experiment inadvertently opened a portal to an alternate dimension where nearly every aspect of life is identical to ours—except for the fact that, inexplicably, hot dogs come in cans.
“We’re as surprised as anyone,” said Dr. Lars Heinrich, CERN’s senior researcher, standing in front of the shimmering portal and a prominently displayed can of “Vienna Sausage Supreme” hot dogs from the parallel dimension. “We were hoping to unlock mysteries of dark matter or discover new subatomic particles. Instead, we’ve discovered that, apparently, an entire universe operates under the belief that hot dogs belong in brine-filled cans. Science is wild.”
Scientists had expected a different result when they fired up the Large Hadron Collider last week, intending to smash protons together at unprecedented speeds to simulate Big Bang conditions. What they did not ex...