Joann Fabrics Weaves Its Own Demise, Customers Left in Stitches
In a devastating blow to Midwestern moms, suburban DIYers, and that one eccentric aunt who insists she will finish her “forever in progress” quilt, Joann Fabrics has announced it is going out of business . The craft retail giant, known for providing both raw materials and existential crises to ambitious but ultimately overwhelmed hobbyists, is set to close its doors after decades of fueling the nation's most unrealistic Pinterest projects.
“This is a tragic day for the fabric-obsessed,” lamented longtime customer Susan Whitaker, who admitted she hasn’t actually completed a sewing project since 2009 but enjoys the comfort of knowing she could at any time. “Where am I supposed to go now? Michaels? Their fabric section is pathetic. It’s like comparing a steakhouse to an Arby’s.”
The closure marks the end of an era, leaving behind a generation of crafters who will now be forced to stare at their piles of unfinished projects with no hope of ever pretending to finish them.
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