Lighthouse News Network

The True Dat News Agency reports that a Camden landscaping company has just discovered the existence of a hidden moat at Windsor Castle. The moat, concealed beneath layers of grass, brush, tree limbs, and a surprising number deceased insects for over 115 years, has finally come to light. Moat Magicians Ltd. has been awarded the contract by King Charles III to uncover and restore the moat to its original condition. King Charles III stated that the restoration cost will be astronomical and primarily funded through donations from concerned UK citizens, with a smaller contribution from the Buckingham Palace "Odds and Sods" fund. Initial excavations of the Windsor Castle moat have yielded a surprising find — a perfectly preserved coprolite, believed to be from the time of Queen Elizabeth I. DNA testing conducted on the ancient fecal matter indicates a strong possibility of it being produced by the iconic monarch herself. Stool analysers have identified the Quee...

In a shocking revelation, Ta Ta For Now News reporter Petula Tart unveils the surprising decision of the King to put the historic Windsor Castle up for sale. The King explained to Miss Tart, the 954-year-old castle is facing an array of challenges, ranging from a dire shortage of functional toilets to the urgent need for extensive roof repairs on the fox hunt horse stables. As if that wasn't enough, the castle's majestic tower has fallen victim to centuries of stubborn fog residue. In a candid statement, Charles expressed his reluctance to shoulder the exorbitant repair costs, hinting at a desire to explore alternative options for the regal residence alongside his beloved queen. The King had considered sending Camilla out on the game to scrape in a few quid, but he says that since turning 75, she just doesn't have the stamina any more to even open a pot of gentlemen's relish. The potential sale of this iconic symbol of British heritage has sent shockw...