Debate Over Healthcare Reform Derailed by Heated Disagreement on What Healthcare' Means
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a display of peak American dysfunction, the much-anticipated healthcare reform bill has stalled spectacularly, thanks to a seemingly insurmountable disagreement on a fundamental question: what exactly constitutes "healthcare"? The once-optimistic bipartisan effort has devolved into a chaotic spectacle, with lawmakers embroiled in a fiery debate that makes the Tea Party vs. Broccoli kerfuffle look like a friendly game of checkers.
At the heart of the brouhaha lies the ideological chasm between the "Traditionalists" and the "Holistic Healers." The Traditionalists, a stoic bunch with starched suits and a deep affection for stethoscopes, champion a narrow definition of healthcare. They believe it's all about fighting off the bad guys – viruses, bacteria, the occasional rogue hangnail – with a good dose of antibiotics and a stern lecture about hygiene.
The Holistic Healers, on the other hand, are a vibrant tapestry of crystal-wie...