Lighthouse News Network

LONDON —In a stunning turn of events that left political pundits speechless and hairdressers nationwide on high alert, former UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced the formation of a new political party Tuesday, promising to undo the very Brexit he once championed with the zeal of a man who just discovered fire. Johnson made the announcement at the Half-Empty Pint, a struggling pub in East London, where he arrived via zip line. In a moment that perfectly encapsulated his political career, Johnson found himself suspended midair, flailing like a fish out of water, before being rescued by a group of bemused firefighters. "My fellow Britons, I've made a terrible mistake," Johnson declared to a crowd consisting mainly of confused tourists and a stray dog. "But fear not, for I, Boris Johnson, am here to fix it with my new party: The Brexit Remorse Party!" The party's logo, a sad bulldog wearing an EU flag as a cape, was met with a mixture of laughter ...