Mayor Adams Swears NYC Congestion Pricing Will Fix the Subway, Bro
NEW YORK — In a bold and definitely foolproof move to improve the city’s notoriously decrepit transit system, Mayor Eric Adams has assured New Yorkers that the new $15 congestion pricing fee will fix the MTA once and for all. “This is the missing piece,” Adams announced in a press conference, standing in front of an out-of-service subway turnstile and a crying commuter. “For decades, people have asked, ‘When will the MTA finally be reliable?’ Well, folks, that day is here. Just trust me, bro.”
The congestion pricing plan, was set to begin in mid-2024, will charge drivers $15 to enter Manhattan below 60th Street, a move city officials claim will reduce traffic, lower pollution, and—most importantly—miraculously transform an agency that has spent decades misplacing billions of dollars into a model of efficiency. “This is not just about raising revenue,” Adams continued. “This is about accountability. With congestion pricing, we are making a promise to New Yorkers: your subway will...