Lighthouse News Network

In a move that would make even Snapchat blush, TikTok, the social media platform famed for its bite-sized dance routines and inexplicable challenges, has announced a bold new age restriction. Effective immediately, anyone unfortunate enough to have celebrated their 26th birthday will be ceremoniously booted from the platform. Citing a "pressing need to maintain a pure, youthful energy," TikTok's official statement declared older users a "threat to the delicate ecosystem of the For You Page." "Frankly, millennials just don't get it," sighed a spokesperson whose youthful glow could only be attributed to generous use of filters and a rigorous skincare routine. "They keep liking those minion memes and asking what 'bussin' means. It's diluting the experience for our core demographic, which is, you know, people who haven't yet succumbed to the indignities of adulting." The internet, naturally, erupted in a symphony of outr...