Mason Disick's Alleged Baby Piper Demands Bitcoin

CALABASAS, CA - In a shocking turn of events that has left the Kardashian-Jenner clan reeling, Mason Disick, the 15-year-old son of Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick, is reportedly facing unprecedented demands from his alleged one-year-old daughter, Piper. The infant, demonstrating an uncanny grasp of both modern technology and financial systems, is insisting that all child support payments be made exclusively in Bitcoin.

Sources close to the family reveal that young Piper, who apparently inherited the Kardashian business acumen along with her father's perfectly coiffed hair, issued her demands via a series of eloquent gurgles and strategically timed diaper explosions. "It's clear she means business," said one anonymous nanny, who wished to remain unnamed for fear of being paid in dogecoin. "I've never seen a baby so adamant about cryptocurrency. She won't even accept her bottle unless it's shaped like a Bitcoin symbol."

The news has sent shockwaves through the Kardashian empire, with matriarch Kris Jenner scrambling to launch a new venture called "Kardashian Krypto" in response. "We've always prided ourselves on staying ahead of the curve," Jenner stated in a hastily organized press conference. "If my great-granddaughter wants Bitcoin, by God, we'll mine it ourselves if we have to." Unconfirmed reports suggest that Jenner has already converted three of the family's walk-in closets into a state-of-the-art cryptocurrency mining operation.

Meanwhile, Kourtney Kardashian, thrust unexpectedly into the role of grandmother at the tender age of 45, has been spotted furiously googling "What is blockchain?" and "How to explain Bitcoin to a one-year-old." Friends say she's struggling to come to terms with both her new status and the complexities of digital currency. "Kourtney's always been more into organic, all-natural things," said one family friend. "The idea of her granddaughter demanding virtual money is really throwing her for a loop."

Not to be outdone, Scott Disick has seized the opportunity to launch his latest entrepreneurial venture: "Teen Dad Crypto Academy." The online course promises to teach young fathers the essentials of balancing diaper changes with digital wallets. "Being a dad is tough, but being a dad who has to pay child support in Bitcoin? That's a whole new level," Disick explained in a promotional video, while somehow managing to maintain his signature smirk.

As for Mason, the young father is reportedly coping with his new responsibilities by starting a TikTok series titled "Diaper Changing for Dummies." The videos, which feature Mason attempting to change a diaper while simultaneously explaining cryptocurrency mining, have gone viral, amassing millions of views and inadvertently creating a new genre: "CryptoParent Influencers."

The situation has even caught the attention of the Calabasas legal system, which is now overwhelmed with Bitcoin-related cases. Local lawmakers are considering new legislation dubbed "The Kardashian Clause," which would require all family courts to have at least one judge well-versed in both family law and cryptocurrency trading.

In an unexpected twist, young Piper seems to have political aspirations as well. Despite being unable to walk or form complete sentences, she has announced her candidacy for mayor of Calabasas on a "Free Bitcoin for All" platform. Her campaign slogan, "Goo goo ga ga for crypto," is already appearing on billboards throughout the city.

However, just as the situation reached a fever pitch, a startling revelation came to light. In a plot twist worthy of a Kardashian reality show season finale, it was discovered that Piper is actually an AI-generated deepfake, created by a group of pranksters with too much time and computing power on their hands.

Upon learning the truth, Mason reportedly breathed a sigh of relief before immediately developing an intense interest in computer programming. "If I can create a fake baby that convincing," he was overheard saying, "imagine what I could do with a whole fake family."

As the dust settles on this latest Kardashian family drama, one thing remains clear: in the world of reality TV royalty, it's all fun and games until someone demands child support in Bitcoin. Fans are advised to stay tuned for more updates and to invest responsibly in both family planning and cryptocurrencies.

Remember, folks: in the Kardashian universe, truth is often stranger than fiction, and fiction is usually just next season's plotline.

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